Title:  I Alone Love You
Author:  North, hollye@sympatico.ca
Pairing:  B/H
Rating: NC-17

Disclaimers:  I don't own them. Gosh I wish I did,;)No infringement, harm or profit intended or made.

note:  This is my pitiful little offering to the porn wars. It's as close as I could get at the moment,;)

***
 

I

I hunger for her and only her. This dance of fear to touch, to take, maddens me. I need her. I want her. I need to breathe her in, taste her, hear her voice against my skin, me inside her, her touch in me.

I hate this. The waiting. The wanting always denied. For fear of losing, fear of loss.

I'm done with this waiting. With this fear gnawing my gut. The fire in my blood drowns it in it's thunder. I won't run from it anymore. I won't let her hide anymore.

I hunt. My eyes becoming golden as I give in, finally, to all that I am.

For me, there has only been her that I need, that I want, that I love.

********************

ALONE

It's been three days since I last saw Helena. Ever since Quinn's crash into the clock tower and our lives we've been afraid of each other. I know I've hurt her by pushing her away. How can I explain to her that it's not her I can't face? It's the reflection of me in her that I can't bear. Without some third party between us I can't pretend there's no reason for us not to be together. I can't lie to myself that I loved Wade or anyone else. I can't pretend that it was more than just his attraction to me that kept him in my life. I can't pretend that his presence wasn't a buffer to save me. To save me from facing everything I feel for her.

Helena is everything I can't let myself have. She ignites things within me that I can't control. I need that control. Ever since my life changed forever in one night of terror and blood, I made a decision that I will stick to. That I have to maintain. To maintain my sense of self. To be me.

I have to be alone.

*********************

LOVE

I stalk into the clock tower and see her there, alone. Always alone. Safe.

No more.

She looks up, startled at my approach. "Helena?"

"Yes." I answer a different question than the simpler one she's asked. I lean down, hands braced on either side of her chair and take her in a hot possessive kiss. Claiming her with teeth and tongue as though I would eat her from the mouth down.

She pushes me away. "Helena, we can't."

I growl low in my throat and hear her breath hitch, not with fear, but with desire. "Not can't, Barbara. You won't. Won't let yourself. Won't let me."

I stare at her, not moving away. Disallowing her retreat. "I know you never loved him."

Green eyes widen, look at me, afraid of how I know. Afraid of how this could make me see her. She's so wrong to fear anything from me.

My hands caress her arms, her face, her hair, her legs. Her eyes watch me, mesmerized by the movements. I close what little distance she made between us and whisper against her lips, "Let me do this. Let us have this finally, Barbara." My hands trail up the side of her breasts, feeling her shake.

"Tell me I'm a fool to think I'm yours. Tell me `no'. Say `don't'. Ask me to stop. And I'll obey." my tongue teases her lower lip, traces her upper one. My hands graze her already hardened nipples.

She gasps, "What are you doing Helena?"

"I'm wanting."

I close the breath left between us and kiss her again. My touches are no longer so gentle. My hands kneed her chest, feeling her heave longingly against me. I take the nipples in either hands, squeezing them to the point where pleasure and pain combine. Just like Barbara and me.

She moans into my mouth and hands tangle themselves in my short hair. A strangled noise comes from her. It makes me stop my assault on her senses, my fears suddenly back ten fold.

Green eyes darker than I've ever seen them stare into mine. In a voice too intimate for anywhere but in the bedroom, Barbara tells me, "No, don't stop."

I laugh, and then snarl as her mouth and teeth find my neck, claiming me.

YOU

Helena's snarl is the most erotic sound I've ever heard. If she hadn't touched me, hadn't kissed me, I might have been able to fight her. I might have been able to fight myself. But not with her body heat searing mine, her mouth hot against my own, her hands making me wet and wanton.

Breathing raggedly, I pull her shirt away from her skin. My hands roam over her pale skin, revelling how her body trembles at my touch. I rake my nails down her sides, pull at her bottom lip with me teeth. "Bed. Now." I husk.

That low, erotic rumble of sound and her eyes blazing yellow are my answer. She grabs me, her eyes never leaving mine as she carries me to my - our - bed. We're both breathing so hard but she pauses over me, hovering after she lays me down. We stare at each other, in awe of how strong this emotion we are both allowing free rein at last truly is.

Hands undress me tenderly and I reciprocate. Are movements are painfully slow, as if we dare not move any faster lest we break this spell. The tension is coiling around us tighter and tighter as we fight our want and caress each other carefully, soft, softer still. Even her kisses along my skin are light. I fight my urge to take her skin between my teeth. Instead I lick at the salty, wild taste of her, straining against my rising need to have her. To be inside her, her inside me. Despite our delicate trails of mouths and hands, the arousal is growing exponentially. Parts in my lower body are tightening with want. I need her. I groan in frustration.

She comes up from her current position along my stomach, to smooth my already damp hair from my face. She makes a soothing noise. "Let me love you."

Let me love you.

I give in completely at those words. Helena feels my body relax and she smiles. Her mouth retakes it's path, her eyes looking up to meet mine as her breath parts red curls. The sheer intimacy of the look in her gaze makes my heart stop then thunder in my chest. She lowers her mouth and her tongue snakes out, tasting me for the first time. A growl, even more erotic than the last, vibrates against my wet flesh. She wants to take me now, harder, completely. I see it in her eyes. She sees the answering hunger in mine but we both fight it. Instead she takes languid licks of my length, her metal piercing rubbing tantalizingly along the swollen area. Even where I can't feel it, simply watching her is driving me insane. Every stroke sends waves of sensation up my body. My hand in her hair isn't enough. I need to feel her.

Her body lies almost perpendicular to mine. I urge her to move her hips closer to me. I see her smile by the crinkle around her eyes. She allows me to drag her near me. I slide her legs apart. My first touch with my hand upon her wet flesh is electric to us both. This time I growl and fight to keep myself in check. I take my hand away and meet her eyes as I slowly lick her taste from my fingers. She shudders against me. I put my hand back, stroking her heated centre the way she's still stroking my sex. Long, slow, all consuming.

Finally, I slide my fingers inside her and gasp. Helena was waiting for me, her own hand sliding into me at the same time.

I thrust into her hard. No more slow, no more soft. I want her. I need her. I've loved her for too long to stay gentle in my state of need.

She gasps and moans, her whole body arching against my hand, taking that sensuous mouth away from between my legs. Her eyes are closed and a sob of pure desire escapes her throats as I keep up the hard tempo, pulling in and out of her long and hard. When Helena opens her eyes to stare down at me it's to watch my face as she matches my thrusts with her own, curling her fingers inside me as I'm doing to her. With my free hand I grab onto her forearm as hand moves in and out of me. I revel in the feel of her muscles rippling as she does this to me. I don't dare take my eyes away from her, watching all the nuances of a Helena previously unknown to me. Hearing noises I've never heard from her before, even as I utter my own carnal sounds as our bodies move faster and faster as we take this plunge away from the safe place of friendship to this unknown space that I've wanted and denied myself for so long. Denied us both.

We thrust, pant, tighten and cry out together as we bring each other over that shining ledge to fall into orgasm together. Her body curls around mine, fighting to keep her eyes open to share it all with me. Always the braver one of the two of us. We convulse around each other, her whole body spasms while my upper body shakes and shakes. At last we collapse on the bed. Our sweaty bodies slide deliciously against each other as she heavily moves herself more alongside me, curled against me. Neither of us have moved our hands from within each other. I can only marvel at the sensation of being clasped in her slick, satin haven. I turn my head and kiss her on the lips, softly now. And for the first time I let my heart speak the words I've held back all these years.

"Helena, there's only ever been you for me."
 

fin