by A. Magiluna Stormwriter

Disclaimer: "The Division", "CSI: Crime Scene Investigators," "Birds of Prey," "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit," the characters, and situations depicted are respectively the property of Lifetime Television, Kedzie Productions, Viacom Productions, and Paramount [The Division]; Jerry Bruckheimer Television, Alliance Atlantis, and CBS Productions [CSI: Crime Scene Investigators]; Tollin/Robbins, DC Comics, and Time/Warner via the WB [Birds of Prey]; and Wolf Films, Universal Network Television, and NBC [Law & Order: SVU]. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. This site is in no way affiliated with "The Division", "CSI: Crime Scene Investigators," "Birds of Prey," "Law & Order: SVU," Lifetime Television, CBS, the WB, NBC, or any representatives of the actors.

[Please do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. Thank you. Shatterpath]

Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Alex/Olivia
Category: episode addition, drabble
Date: 11 May 2004
Summary: Alex's thoughts in the aftermath of “Loss.”
Archive: ShatterStorm Productions… anyone else has to ask first

Author's Notes: Finally saw “Loss,” and I must say that it nearly tore me up to see it...and I knew what was coming! And then I suddenly had an Alex muse and this came out in a matter of moments…

I still can't believe it.

I wish I could have told them. Told her.

I have never felt as horrid as when she fought to keep me alive. I could hear the pain in her voice, the fear…the loss.

And I could do nothing. Just lay there as if dead, and all the while dying inside for hurting her.

I had to see her before I left, wouldn't take no for an answer until Hammond finally relented.

The tears in her eyes when she saw me…

I should've listened to Hammond. I think I hurt her more this way.