 | ShatterStorm Productions
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| ShatterStorm Productions
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Disclaimer: "CSI: Crime Scene Investigators," the characters, and situations depicted are the property of Jerry Bruckheimer Television, Alliance Atlantis, and CBS Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. This site is in no way affiliated with "CSI: Crime Scene Investigators," CBS, or any representatives of Jorja Fox or Marg Helgenberger.
Author's Notes: References to GSR, swearing, references to sex (although pretty tame : ) ), references to Miniature Killer crimes, unbeta'd as usual and feedback welcome.
Sara Sidle's apartment 7:30 a.m.
"Gris, I'm kinda beat right now is everything alright?" They were seated at Sara's kitchen table. Grissom had his hands clasped in front of him while Sara couldn't seem to sit still. She felt bad for lying to him. She had been avoiding him for awhile now and really didn't want to answer the questions that were in his eyes.
"Actually no, everything is not alright. I miss you. I want to know what is going on with you. I never see you anymore."
"I'm fine. I just need some space and time." Sara refused to look at him afraid that he would realize her inner turmoil.
"Does this space requirement only apply to me? Because you don't seem to have trouble spending time with Greg and Sofia." It made Grissom nervous that Sara was spending time with other people and seemed to be avoiding him. While he was fairly certain that Greg and Sofia were not pursuing Sara in a romantic way there seemed to be undeniable connections between her and the other two. Surprisingly, this seemed to be more glaringly obvious in the case of her and Sofia.
Sara had actually allowed Sofia to help her out of the car. Grissom was sure his jaw had hit the pavement after witnessing this scene and the friendly touch initiated afterward by Sara.
Sara stood up and limped over to the counter to start making coffee. Greg had thoughtfully hooked her up with some of his special blend. This conversation had just gotten ten times more uncomfortable. Sara didn't like being cornered.
"So you can go on sabbatical without talking to me about it but I ask you for some space after what I've been through and it's a problem?" Sara had addressed Grissom with her back to him and her tone was tense and irritated.
"Sara, this had been going on since before the attack. We haven't had sex in four months. I feel like you're slipping away."
Sara ignored the pain in Grissom's voice and settled on anger to help her in her resolve. "So just because I won't sleep with you means it's over?"
"Sara, you know that isn't what I mean.," Grissom said in frustration. "You won't let me touch you at all. You tense when I even try to hold your hand." Sara's posture had become rigid and her hands clenched the cool countertop.
"I almost thought I'd lost you a few weeks ago under that car. The reality is I lost you before that. I want to know what I can do to fix this." Sara finally turned around and looked at Grissom. The man looked heartbroken and Sara felt a pain in her chest knowing she was the cause of it.
She leaned against the counter as if needing the support. "What do you want me to say, Gris? Things have changed. Everything has changed. I've changed."
"Do you love me?" Sara flinched at the question. They had never been really verbal in expressing how they felt. The l word had only been exchanged a few times.
"I'll always love and respect you, Gil." Grissom did not change his expression as Sara had hoped he would.
"But you're not in love with me." It was a statement not a question. There was an uncomfortable silence as Sara debated about what to say. She decided that the truth was best.
"I don't know anymore." Grissom stood up from the kitchen table. Sara had never seen him look so fragile.
"If you have to ponder the question, then the answer is no." Sara didn't stop Grissom as he walked out of her apartment and out of her personal life. She brought her fist down on the countertop, rattling the coffee mug and stinging her hand slightly in the process. A part of her was relieved that Grissom knew the truth and another part of her felt like a shit. She had pursued the man for six years on and off and when she finally got him things just didn't fall into place like she thought they would. Confusion was not something Sara dealt with well. Sara Sidle didn't do confused.
1 week later 2:00 p.m. Dr. Seidel's Office
Sofia sat hunched over with her elbows resting on her thighs and her chin resting on top of her clasped hands. Her eyes were focused on the bland carpet in front of her but if asked she wouldn't be able to tell anyone what color it was. Her thoughts kept flickering to what was going to happen beyond that closed wooden door with the name plaque next to it. Part of her was relieved to finally be actively taking a role in saving her career. Ecklie and the Sheriff had made her squirm for a week before passing the contact information for the psychologist to Brass. Other than going out to crime scenes and doing the usual legwork required in her job, she had stayed at her desk. She had purposely avoided the C.S.I. section of the building not wanting to be questioned about the dark circles under her eyes or clothes that were becoming looser.
Greg had left messages on her phone and at her desk. She had so far been able to avoid him. There had been another call from the lab but no message. Sofia liked to think that it had been Sara trying to reach her but didn't want to be too optimistic in case it wasn't true.
"Ms. Curtis, I'm Dr. Seidel. How are you?" The doctor was of medium height and a slim build with long, dark brown hair and warm, brown eyes. Sofia felt strangely at ease as she took the soft hand in hers in greeting. Sofia wondered if Sara's eyes would look that way if she weren't so guarded all the time.
"I'm alright doctor. And yourself?" Dr. Seidel smiled kindly and replied, "I'm well. Now if you could just follow me this way we can get started."
Sofia followed the doctor into the small, but cozy office. There were two armchairs situated across from each other and a small coffee table sitting in between. Sofia detected the unmistakable odor of coffee brewing and saw the source of it in a corner of the room. It almost felt like she was having coffee with a friend instead of talking with a shrink.
"Please have a seat. Can I offer you some coffee?" Dr. Seidel motioned to the chair on the left.
"No, thank you I'm fine." Sofia sat down and raised her eyebrows at how comfortable the chair was. Dr. Seidel smiled as she sat down in her chair with a cup of coffee.
"Isn't it wonderful?," she asked gesturing towards the chair. Sofia nodded. "Surprisingly so."
"We don't like our clients to feel like they are going to the dentist, Ms. Curtis."
Sofia rubbed her hands which had begun to sweat against her thighs and regarded the doctor. "If you're going to be rooting around in my head you might as well call me Sofia, Doctor."
Doctor Seidel looked taken aback for a moment but then smiled. "You're very candid, Sofia. That will help in our conversation. Can you tell me what brings you here?"
Sofia crossed her legs and leaned back into the chair. "I'm here because I was ordered by my superior to call you."
Dr. Seidel frowned but continued on. "How long have you been a detective?"
"Two years."
"Do you like your job?" Sofia's face was dead serious as she stared at the doctor. "No, I don't like it. I love it."
The doctor nodded as if accepting the correction. "I imagine that being a detective is very demanding of your time."
"It can be." Sofia purposely kept her answers short, afraid that if she opened up too much she would be deemed unfit for duty.
"So what do you enjoy doing when you aren't detecting?" Sofia's face grew hard and she could feel heat creeping up her neck.
"May I ask what that has to do with my ability to do my job?" Dr. Seidel paused for a moment and then shook her head.
"Sofia, I should make something clear to you. I am here to listen to what you have to say. I am not interested in your superiors or what they think. I specialize in talking with people in law enforcement or medical fields where a high stress level is involved. I would like to help you if I can."
Sofia had an unusual knack for detecting subterfuge in people. It was a skill that served her well in the interrogation room. It was like a tingling up her spine or a nagging feeling in her gut that something wasn't right even if she didn't know what at the time. She didn't have any of these feelings around the doctor. The doctor appeared genuine and concerned.
Sofia tiredly ran a hand through her long blonde hair. "To answer your question from earlier Doctor, I don't have much free time but when I do I used to spend it having fun." Sofia's frowned at this realization. "I used to know how to have fun but lately, most things have stopped being fun."
"Has something happened recently that took the fun away?" Sofia's eyes grew distant as she remembered Officer Kayman and Sara.
"How much time do you have?," she asked wryly. Dr. Seidel smiled. "Right now we have about half an hour left. After that it's up to you."
"We have recently caught a serial murderer that we'd been chasing for almost a year. We set up a trap to catch her and an officer got killed in the process. I was on surveillance and I watched her die. It was carbon monoxide poisoning." Sofia's face had a haunted look on it as she recalled the officer's dead eyes staring blankly at her when she pulled the pillow off of her face.
"That must have been awful.," Dr. Seidel said in sympathy.
"Later on, the twisted bitch kidnapped a coworker and friend of mine. We almost didn't make it in time." Sofia felt the moisture in her eyes and fought it. "But she hung on. She's a fighter and the most stubborn person I've ever met." Sofia smiled as she said the last part.
"It sounds like you care very much for her." Sofia's smile disappeared and her face flushed red.
"Yeah, she's a good person."
"I'm sure you were relieved that she made it."
"Yeah, I wasn't sure we were going to make it." Sofia grimaced as she realized she had opened the door for more questioning.
"Were you in danger with her?," Dr. Seidel kept her tone even not wanting to pressure Sofia.
"Sara was trapped under a car in the desert. It was raining and we were running out of time. I bargained with the killer and took poison from her in exchange for the location of Sara." Sofia stopped speaking waiting for disgust or judgement. She put her head in her hands afraid to look at the doctor's face confirming that her career was over.
"You risked your life for hers. That's an incredibly selfless act. It's certainly not one that everyone can do. It's fortunate you both made it out alive." Sofia looked up slightly shocked at the doctor's response.
"No one has said it quite like that. I either get that I'm a hero or I'm crazy."
Dr. Seidel responded with another question. "Sofia, is there anyone that you spend time with outside of work?"
"Yeah, Greg from the Lab and I hang out sometimes." Sofia smiled then bit her lip debating whether to mention her recently acquired friend. "Sara and I have been spending more time together as well."
Dr. Seidel noted the smile on Sofia's face as she mentioned Sara. "I'm sure she is grateful to you for rescuing her."
Sofia lost the grin on her face immediately and wouldn't make eye contact with the doctor. "She doesn't exactly know that I played a role in saving her."
"Is there a reason you haven't told her?"
Sofia debated how to phrase her reasoning for not telling Sara. "It's um, complicated. You see Sara is an extremely guarded person. You don't start out with a clean slate with her. You have to earn her trust and I've worked around her for three years and only now have been allowed to get to know her."
"So if she isn't aware that you saved her, why do you think that she is opening up to you now if as far as she knows nothing has changed?"
Sofia felt like her mind had been completely confounded by the question. She sat there with a frown on her face before she started laughing from the strain of the question.
"Jesus Doc, you sure ask some deep questions. I'm not really sure why."
"Well let me ask you this. In what way has she opened up to you more so you've been able to get to know her? In other words, what have her actions been?"
"She woke up in the hospital for the first time and I was in the room sitting next to her bed. I thought for sure she would ask me to leave but she asked me to stay. Then she had a bad dream one night and called me in the middle of the night. She didn't say anything on the phone but I knew it was her so when I showed up there wasn't really anything verbalized. She just accepted that I was willing to comfort her and I accepted that she needed it."
Dr. Seidel sat for awhile digesting what Sofia had said. The detective certainly had an interesting relationship with this Sara. The nonverbal communication was particularly intriguing.
"So If I'm reading this correctly, you're afraid to tell her that you saved her because she has previously shown resentment towards you and you're afraid that it will wreck this new friendship?"
Sofia nodded. "That's it in a nutshell. Usually she only confides in Greg or Grissom, her boyfriend."
Sofia took in the frown on the doctor's face that immediately disappeared when the doctor realized Sofia had caught it. Sofia arched an eyebrow in response.
"What is it?"
"I would hate to face you in an interrogation room, Detective." Dr. Seidel grinned. "I was just thinking that it is interesting that Sara is allowing you to comfort her when she has a boyfriend."
Sofia felt even more frustration seep into her overcrowded head. She had assumed going into this session that she would only be discussing her job and now she was talking about the very complicated subject of Sara and the doctor was raising very valid points. Points that were probably better left alone for Sofia's emotional well-being.
"I'm sorry Detective, but time is up for today." Dr. Seidel rose from her chair and smiled apologetically at the confused woman. "You are only required to have five sessions but if you would like to go beyond that I would certainly encourage it."
"Thank you, Doctor. I'll keep that in mind." Sofia shook hands with the kind doctor and then walked to the parking lot to return to P.D.
|| Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8 || Part 9 || Part 10 || Part 11 || Part 12 || Part 13 || Part 14 ||
